Are you a Manarchist?


ARE YOU A MANARCHIST QUESTIONNAIRE

General Questions:

I. Do you ascribe to either:

A) Passive-Aggressive Patriarchy: You often come across as: a victim/helpless/in need/dependent

and you get women in your life to: be your physical and emotional caretakers? buy you things? take care of your responsibilities?
pick up your slack? use guilt or manipulation to get out of your responsibilities and equal share of the work?

Do you treat your female partner like a “mom” or your secretary?

B) Aggressive Patriarchy: Do you often take charge? Assume that a
woman can’t do something right so you do it for her? Believe that only
you can take care of things? Think that you always have the right
answer?
Do you treat your female partner like she’s helpless, fragile, a baby or weak?
Do you put down your partner or minimize her feelings? Do you belittle
her opinions?

2. How do you react when women in your life name something or someone
as patriarchal or sexist? Do you think of her or call her a “PC Thug,”
“Feminazi,” “Thin-skinned,” “Overly-Sensitive, “COINTELPRO-esque”
or “Un-fun?”

3. Do you see talking about patriarchy as non-heroic, a waste of time,
trouble making, or divisive?

4. If a woman asks your opinion, do you assume she must not know
anything about the subject?

5. Do you believe that women have “natural characteristics” which are
Inherent in our sex such as “passive,” “sweet,” “caring,” “nurturing,”
“considerate,” “generous,” “weak,” or “emotional?”

6. Do you make fun of “typical” men or “frat boys” but not ever check
yourself to see if you behave in the same ways?

7. Do you take on sexism and patriarchy as a personal struggle working
to fight against it in yourself, in your relationships, in society,
work, culture, subcultures, and institutions?

8. Do you say anything when other men make sexist or patriarchal
comments?
Do you help your patriarchal and sexist friends to make change and help
educate them? Or do you continue friendships with patriarchal and
sexist men and act like there is no problem.

Activism Questions :

9. As a man, is being a feminist a priority to you? Do you see being
a feminist as revolutionary or radical?

10. Do you think that you define what is radical? Do you suffer from
or contribute to macho bravado” or ‘subpoena envy? (I.e. defining a
true or “cool” and respectable activist as someone who has: been arrested,
done lockdowns, scaled walls, hung banners, done time for their actions
argued or fought with police, done property alterations, beat up nazi
boneheads, etc.)?

11. Do you take something a woman said, reword it and claim it as your
own idea/opinion?

12. Are you taking on the “shit” or “grunt” work in your organizing?
(I.e.: Cooking. cleaning. set up, clean up phone calls, email lists,
taking notes, doing support work, sending mailings, providing
childcare?)
Are you aware of the fact that women often are taking on this work
with no regard or for their efforts?

13. Do you take active step to make your activist groups safe and
comfortable places for women?

14. If you are trying to get more women involved in your activist
projects, do you try to engage them by telling them what’ to do or why they
should join your group?

15. Do you ever find yourself monitoring and limiting your behavior and
speech in meetings and activist settings because you don’t want’ to
take up too much space or dominate the group? Are you aware of the fact that
women do this all the time?

16. Do you pay attention to group process and consensus building in
groups or do you tend to dominate and take charge (maybe without even
realizing it)?

Sexual/Romantic Relationships and Issues :

17. Do you make jokes or negative comments about the sex lives of women
or sex work?

18. Can you only show affection and be loving to your partner in front
of friends and family or only in private?

19. Do you discuss the responsibility for preventing contraception and
getting STD screening prior to sexual contact?

20. Do you repeatedly ask or plead with women for what you want in
sexual situations? Are you aware that unless this is a mutually consented upon
scenario/game that this is considered a form of coercion?

21. During sex, do you pay attention to your partner’s face and body
language to see if she is turned on? Engaged, or just lying there? Do
you ask a woman who she wants during sex? What turns her on?

22. Do you ask for consent?

23. Do you know if your partner has a sexual abuse, rape, or physical
abuse history?

24. Do you stay with your partner in a relationship for comfort and
security? Sex? Financial or emotional caretaking? If you’re not completely happy
or “in love” with your partner anymore? Even though you don’t think it
will ultimately work out? Because you’re afraid or unable to be alone?
Do you suddenly end relationships when a “new” or “better” woman comes
along?

25. Do you jump from relationship to relationship? Overlap them? Or do
you take space and time for yourself in between each relationship to
reflect on the relationship and your role in it? Do you know how to be
alone? How to be single?

26. Do you cheat on your partners?

27. If your girlfriend gets on your case for patriarchal behavior or
wants to try to work on the issues of patriarchy in your relationship,
do you creak up with her or cheat on her and find another woman who
will put up with your shit?

28. Do you agree to romantic commitment and responsibility and then
back out of these situations?

29. Do you understand menstruation?

30. Do you make fun of women or write them off as “PMS-ING?”

Friendship Questions :

31. Do you tend to set the standard and plans for fun or do you work
with the others in the group, including women to see what they want to
do?

32. Do you talk to your female friends about things you don’t talk to
your male friends about especially emotional issues?

33. Do you constantly fall in love with your female friends Are you
friends with women until you find out that they are not in love with you too
and then end the friendships? Are you only friends with women who are
in monogamous or committed relationships with other people?

34. Do you come on to your female friends even jokingly?

35. Do you only talk to your female friends (and not your male friends)
about your romantic relationships or problems in those relationships?

36. Do you find yourself only attracted to “Anarcho-Crusty Punk
Barbie”, Alterna-Grrrl Barbie,” or Hardcore-Grrrl Barbie?” (The idea here being
that the only women you arc attracted to fit mainstream beauty
standards but just dress and do their hair alternatively and maybe have piercings
and tattoos) Do you question and challenge your internalized ideals of
mainstream beauty ideals for women?

37. Have you ever heard of or discussed “sizeism” and do you think it
is low on the oppression scale?

38. Are you aware of the fact that ALL WOMEN, even women in radical
communities, live under the CONSTANT PRESSURE and OPPRESSION of mainstream
patriarchal beauty standards?

39. Are you aware of the fact that many women in radical communities
have had and are currently dealing with eating disorders?

40. Do you make fun of “model-types” or “mainstream” women for their
appearance?

Domestic/Household Questions :

41. When was the last time you walked into your house, noticed that
something was misplaced/dirty/etc. AND did something about it (didn’t just walk
by it, over it, away from it or leave a nasty note about it) even if
it wasn’t your chore or responsibility?

42. Are you constantly amazed by the magical “food fairy” who
mysteriously acquires food, brings it home, puts it away, prepares it in meal form
and then cleans up afterwards?

43. Do you contribute equally to domestic life and work?

44. How many of the following activities do you contribute to in your
home (this is a partal list of what it takes to run a household):
A: Sweep and mop floors and clean carpets
B: Wash and put away dishes
C: Clean stove, countertops, sinks and appliances if they are messy and
each time after you have prepared food
D: Collect money, do food shopping, put away food and make meals for
people you live with
E: Do house laundry (kitchen towels, bathroom hand towels, washable
rugs, etc.)
F: Clean up common room spaces, even if it’s not your chore
G: Pick up other’s slack
H: Deal with garbage, recycling, and compost
I: Take care of bills, rent, utilities
J: Deal with the landscaping and gardening
K: Clean bathrooms and make sure bathroom is clean after you use it
L: Feed, clean up after, and take care of housepets

Children & Childcare :

45. Do you spend time with kids? If you do, do you spend time with
children (yours or anyone’s) in a way that is gendered? (do certain things with
boys and other things with girls?

46. If you are a father, do you CO-parent your children? (Spend equal
time AND energy AND effort AND money to raise them)?

47. Do you make childcare a priority? (at both activist events and in
daily life)

48. Do you help make the lives of single mothers in your life and
community easier by finding out if and how you can assist?

49. Have you politicized your ideas about child rearing and parenthood
radical communities? Do you believe that individuals who are in the
movement have children or that the movement has children?

Multi-Category Questions:

50. When was the last time you showed a woman how to do a task rather
than doing it for her and assuming she couldn’t do it?

51. When was the last time you asked a woman to show you how to do a
task?

52. Do you get emotional needs met by other women, whether or not you
are in a romantic relationship with them? Or do you cultivate caring,
nurturing relationships with other men in which you can discuss your
feelings and get your needs met by them?

53. If a woman discusses with you or calls you out on your patriarchy,
do you make an effort to be emotionally present? Listen? Not
emotionally shut down? Not get defensive? Think about what she said? Admit you
fucked up? Take responsibility/make reparations for the mistakes you made?
Discuss your feelings and ideas with her? Apologize? Work harder on your own
shit to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again with her
or other women?

54. Do you look inside yourself to find out why you fucked up in these
relationships and work to both change your behavior and be a better
anti-patriarchy ally in the future?

55. Do you organize regular house meetings or activist meetings to
resolve conflict in the house/group?

56. Do you use intimidation, yelling, getting in someone’s physical space, threatsor violence to get your point across?
Do you create and atmosphere or violence around women or others to threaten them (i.e.: throw
things, break things, yell and scream, threaten, attack, tease or terrorize the
animals or pets of women in your life)?

57. Do you physically, psychologically, or emotionally abuse women?

58. Do the women in your life (mothers, sisters, partners, housemates,
friends, etc.) have to “remind” you or “nag” you or “yell” at you in
order for you to get off your ass and take care of your
responsibilities?

59. Do you talk to other men about patriarchy and your part in it?

60. When was the last time you thought about or talked about any of
these issues other than after reading this questionnaire?

Scoring: ALL MEN need to work on issues of patriarchy, sexism and
misogyny. However, this questionnaire may point out to you areas of particular
focus or concentration for your own anti-patriarchal/sexist/misogynist
process and development.

Copied from: http://www.anarcha.org/sallydarity/AreyouaManarchist.htm

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13 Comments

Filed under Anarchy, Freedom, Love, Oppression, Related Thoughts, Revolution, Self, Society

13 responses to “Are you a Manarchist?

  1. Anonymous

    This is great. Something that isn’t talked about much…along with challenging the norms of calling everything “gay”.

  2. This is stupid and circular. If you disagree with it your a sexist. If you are to aggressive or passive aggressive your a sexist. This is not a survey it’s written with the premise we are all sexist then proceeds to cross examine until you must come to the same conclusion.

  3. Anonymous

    we are all sexist.

    i like this. i believe its a way to start discussion and recognize all of the shit we internalize, regardless of our gender or sex, not decide who falls into what categories.

    • Anonymous

      we not all sexist…
      we are just selfish and tend to think of ourselfs higher then others.
      answering yes to some of those questions does not make you misogynist, it makes you a lazy, ignorant and spoiled human being as most of us are in western civilization…

  4. rubyben

    Amazing. Sharing it all over the internets.
    Small critiques:
    24. I think I get what you mean, but I also don’t think being in love is the only reason to be/stay in a relationship. That’s not very fair.

    26. “cheat” is pretty vague. I assume you mean “break with the terms agreed upon with your partner(s)” rather than “sleep with more than one person.”

    + more broadly, there’s no explicit space for queer men in this, though a lot of it still applies.

    Nonetheless this is great. Thanks for making it.

  5. Ace

    Perhaps the questions on relationships could be rewritten so as to make them less heterosexist? Queer men can also be manarchists and this can come through both in their interactions with women and with other queer men.

    • rubyben

      mhm. It’d be interesting to figure out, because some issues described are contingent on having a woman partner and others maybe not. (#20, for instance, I find hard to decide on.)

  6. Anonymous

    “preventing contraception”

  7. anonymouse

    What man is going to read past question 1?

    Now sweetie do something nice for your husband &
    say something nurturing to the kids wud ya?

    You know I luv u with a burning passion when you show your “sweet,” “caring,” “nurturing,”
    “considerate,” and “generous” nature.

  8. Anonymous

    No gods no masters!

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